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Last updateWed, 11 Nov 2015 11am

Sunday, 08 November 2015 14:53

Learn Sense of Responsibility and Self-confidence at PCBC

Written by  Tzu Chi Documenting Team, KL & Selangor / Translated by Wong Mun Heng

On November 8, 2015, parents and children gathered at KL Tzu-Chi Jing Si Hall for PCBC “graduation” and performed sign language on stage. [Photograph by Lim Chin Shein]

After attending all eight Parent-child Bonding Classes together in a year, the children have grown up and the parents have changed for the better. At the PCBC “graduation” ceremony, 837 parents and children gathered at KL Tzu-Chi Jing Si Hall and performed the sign language on stage.


 
“Goodness, cockroaches and rats are running around!”
“Rinse it, stamp it, wash it and keep it.”
 
On November 8, 2015, a group of “Tzu Shao” (Tzu Chi Teenagers’ Group) students in their creatively-designed attires made from recycled items, performed on stage a skit entitled, “Who’s the culprit?” With the easy-to-remember recycling slogans and dialogue, the message on recycling was clearly disseminated. Through the shocking images of famine and weather turbulence, everyone was urged to treasure and save the Earth from more natural catastrophes.
 
At the Sutra Lecture Hall, CEO of Tzu Chi KL &Selangor, Echo Chien shared with the parents: “It is not good enough to confine charitable deeds to cash donations as learning opportunity is limited. My 20-year involvement in Tzu Chi has transformed my way of thinking. By doing home visits and offering aid, one can witness suffering and therefore appreciate blessings better. There’s something to learn in every case. It is also a good reminder for us to acknowledge our blessings, treasure them and cultivate more. In so doing, we will offer more to help the underprivileged in society.”
 
From the book, “How German mothers coach children to be self-disciplined”, Sister Echo shared on how parents should conduct themselves in order to show good examples to their children and guide them on the right way of life. “Everyone likes to buy insurance, but the best form of life insurance is to invest in good thoughts and loving-kindness.” She also shared on the proper way to plan, that is to lead ourselves and children towards a peaceful path.
 
With more investment on good thoughts, evil thoughts will decrease accordingly. With more good thoughts, there will be more blessings and fortune. Parents are the role models for children. When parents are well-behaved, of good moral standing and demonstrate good example then they are the best gifts and are, in fact, considered heirlooms. Parents, who care about the development of their children, must first demonstrate kind thoughts and kind deeds and set them as their life goals. Sister Echo hoped that more will join as volunteers and together with their children, learn to contribute to society.
 
Slowly but surely changing for the better
 
Li Pei Si chose to attend the Parent-child Bonding Class (PCBC) because she wanted to be a better mother. She hopes to enable her son, Zeng Yu Hao, to grow up in an environment that is filled with love and kindness and hence, become a better person. The fast pace city life had made Pei Si an impatient person. Always in a hurry, she could not tolerate her slow moving son and would often scold him.
 
For relaxation, she used to watch drama series on weekends without realizing that this would reduce her interaction with her child. Later, she discovered that as a child grows up, the company of the parents is very important. Since then, she had stopped watching the drama and instead has been accompanying her son in watching the Dharma stories by Master Cheng Yen. Also, to create a more conducive environment, she would play Tzu Chi songs regularly at home.
 
Once, at a family party held at her mother’s house, her normally reserved son sang in front of a crowd, and also led everyone to sing together. The grandmother was so happy and Pei Si was touched. Upon reaching home, the son confidently told her: “Mum, I was very brave, right? I learnt it at Tzu Chi.” When she was scared to do sharing at PCBC, the son kept encouraging her with these words: “Mama, don’t be scared. I’ll be there, so be brave and go ahead.” “Bravery” is the theme for PCBC’s first lesson this year and it is something that the son had learnt well.
 
Pei Si has also adopted a new and positive approach in communicating with her son. For example, she found this expression, “It’s so good to have you around” very effective as the son had helped her to sort and arrange a big stack of clothing. On another occasion, when she was upset and had wanted to beat her son using the cloth hanger, the latter was quick to tell her: “Don’t be angry, take a deep breath.” With her son’s timely reminder, she managed to calm herself down. These days, she has learnt to keep a cool composure by chanting “Amituofo”.
 
Action learning is better than talking
 
Zhen Pei Min used to enjoy reading Master Cheng Yen’s Jing Si Aphorisms during her university days. Upon graduation, she was busy with work and could not find the time to join Tzu Chi. It was only after her two sons, Liu Zhi Huang and Liu Zhi Jian, participated in Tzu Shao class and PCBC that she started to join Tzu Chi International Medical Association (TIMA).
 
The younger son, Zhi Jian is one who takes time to warm up and initially he was reluctant to partake in PCBC. But with Pei Min’s patient guidance, he began to show interest in the activities. Nowadays, he will get himself ready for PCBC and no longer shows his sour face. Both parent and child are growing together and reminding each other to apply what they have learnt in their daily life. Her child also appreciates better the theory learnt through experiential activities.
 
Pei Min said, “Instead of staying at home and talk to the kids on reasoning, it’s better to see it for ourselves at PCBC.” After one year, she saw the noticeable changes in Zhi Jian as he could now interact with teachers and is willing to contribute at the recycling centre. That has really put her mind at ease.
 
Master has often said that we should not worry and restrain children too much, but should instead give them more blessings. Hence, Pei Min would first teach her sons to understand their own responsibility before learning to let go bit by bit. Upon letting go, she felt that her sons have become more responsible.
 
During examination period, they would stop playing with handphones and automatically start doing revision. The elder son, Zhi Huang, would be sitting for his PT3 this year but unlike other parents who would take leave to accompany their children, Pei Min had gone overseas for training.
 
Hoping for his son to be a Tzu Chi volunteer
 
Seated aside with his walking stick was Subramaniam, a Tzu Chi care recipient for ten years. His seven-year-old son was running actively around Jing Si Hall. “I’m very happy to be here to see so many friends from PCBC. After a few classes, we are no strangers but are like one family,” he said smilingly. Back at home, he hardly goes out or mixes with others. But in Tzu Chi, he feels comfortable seeing the familiar faces.
 
After a year with PCBC, his son, Nithiarasan, has become more motivated and positive. In addition, he would take the initiative to finish his homework, help in folding clothes and interact with the neighbours, Tzu Chi volunteers and teachers. Subramaniam shared, “The main objective of sending him to PCBC is that he will hopefully become a Tzu Chi volunteer one day.”
 
Currently, Subramaniam undergoes dialysis thrice a week. Having lost his vision, he admitted that he had kept to himself. However, in these past ten years, he finally knew what love is from Tzu Chi volunteers, whose humanity deeply touched him when his health hit rock bottom.
 
Beauty of a chipped cup
 
Wu Jia Shan resigned from her job as a Market Research Executive to care for her two daughters. After spending some time with them, she discovered their many flaws; and she would demand 100% performance from her daughters, be it their studies or behaviour. This kind of “overbearing attitude” has caused tension in the mother-daughter relationship that made both parties unhappy.
 
Over time, her daughter, Chen Jie Yi, became stubborn, and was also competitive and obsessive academically. When scolded by her mother, she would wear her displeasure on her face, as well as, keep the reprimand in her heart.
 
In 2004, Jia Shan attended the PCBC with her daughter and discovered that she was the cause of the strained relationship with her daughter. The following year, after joining the “Great Love Mothers”, and taking Master Cheng Yen’s Dharma talks and Jing Si Aphorisms to heart, she underwent a total change in attitude; and has learnt to use a different approach when handling her child. The Jing Si Aphorism – “A chipped cup still looks perfect when viewed from a different angle.” – has greatly inspired her.
 
Learn to accept children’s weaknesses and focus on their strengths. Compliments and affirmations will make them more confident and independent. Jie Yi, who is more confident now, can confide in her mother with ease. She can also interact with her classmates and has more friends. Now studying in Primary 5, she hopes to join Tzu Shao later.
 
As Jia Shan took on more responsibilities, she has learnt to be more understanding, contented and appreciative, besides lighting up the lives of others and bringing joy to them. Through self-transformation, she has found happiness in her family. She said confidently, “I will walk on the Tzu Chi path forever.”
 
 
A group of “Tzu Shao” students wearing creatively-designed attires made from recycled items, were on stage performing a skit on “Who’s the culprit?” [Photograph by Lim Chin Shein]   CEO of Tzu Chi KL & Selangor, Echo Chien shared that it is not good enough to confine charitable deeds to only donations. Her 20-year involvement in Tzu Chi has changed her, and by doing home visits and offering aid, one can witness suffering and thus appreciate blessings better. [Photograph by Choo Kok Choi]

A group of “Tzu Shao” students wearing creatively-designed attires made from recycled items, were on stage performing a skit on “Who’s the culprit?” [Photograph by Lim Chin Shein]
 
CEO of Tzu Chi KL & Selangor, Echo Chien shared that it is not good enough to confine charitable deeds to only donations. Her 20-year involvement in Tzu Chi has changed her, and by doing home visits and offering aid, one can witness suffering and thus appreciate blessings better. [Photograph by Choo Kok Choi]
 
Li Pei Si chose to attend PCBC because she wanted to be a better mother, and hopes to enable her son, Zeng Yu Hao, to grow up in an environment filled with love and kindness. [Photograph by Choo Kok Choi]   Zhen Pei Min first let her sons understand their responsibility before letting go bit by bit. She felt her sons have become more responsible. [Photograph by Beh Chun How]

Li Pei Si chose to attend PCBC because she wanted to be a better mother, and hopes to enable her son, Zeng Yu Hao, to grow up in an environment filled with love and kindness. [Photograph by Choo Kok Choi]
 
 
Zhen Pei Min first let her sons understand their responsibility before letting go bit by bit. She felt her sons have become more responsible. [Photograph by Beh Chun How]
 
Subramaniam has been a Tzu Chi care recipient for ten years. He hopes his son will grow up to be a Tzu Chi volunteer. [Photograph by Chan Tuck Meng]   After attending PCBC with her daughter, Chen Jie Yi, Wu Jia Shan discovered she was the cause of the strained relationship with her daughter. [Photograph by Lim Chin Shein]

Subramaniam has been a Tzu Chi care recipient for ten years. He hopes his son will grow up to be a Tzu Chi volunteer. [Photograph by Chan Tuck Meng]
 
 
After attending PCBC with her daughter, Chen Jie Yi, Wu Jia Shan discovered she was the cause of the strained relationship with her daughter. [Photograph by Lim Chin Shein]